Oh the Pressure of being ....ME!

Well, as I mentioned in my first post, I was re-inspired by another to actually begin the little blogging journey. Much to my surprise...... but then again not really, my inspiration has turned out to be a possible "stalker". That is her word NOT mine. I opened an email from her this morning and she said "Please post on your blog" blah blah blah..don't make me become a stalker! OK, that is not exactly what she said but that is exactly the word she used.....stalker!

Look AC if you have the kind of time it takes to be a stalker then PLEASE help me with my time managment. You have twice the kids I have and your husband is 1/2 the age of mine. Apply some simple math and you have got yourself an extra kid you happen to be married to. You are....in a word.....organized!

Another O word! Ah the O words. Oprah, organized, orgasms, overdraft, overdue, over heated, overwhelmed, organic, obligation, oblivion, oblivious, over weight, out numbered, O-bgyn, outwit, over hang (and the reverse) ovulate.....the list is endless if you try. So, what order (look another one...oops 2, nope I mean 3) do you recommend I place these in to....obtain (haha) enough time to actutally STALK someone? Why? Because I have a list a mile long of people I would like to stalk the hell out of!! Could I consider stalking a hobby since I am short on hobbies?

To be a fly on the wall is one thing. Freaking people out....well that just sounds like fun! OK, enough of that. When I am frustrated, worried or just plain tired I...yes me Ramblin Robin, have a hard time organizing the thoughts I want to share. Why? Because I don't want to talk about it but for you....I will. Don't say I didn't warn you and don't think this is a downer. Consider it a wake your ass upper!

Last week I received several items of bad news. The sister of a dear and wonderful friend died while in the hospital for no other reason than she simply wasn't cared for properly. The wife of a dear and wonderful friend went in for some routine surgery and discovered she has cancer leaving him broken and afraid. I learned another friend had suffered the loss of a pregnancy and while they have been blessed with another one the sting of loss stays with you. So, without much to laugh at during this time I have pondered.

I discovered I consider myself oblivious to my own wonderful life. I am unaware of how wonderful my life is on a day to day basis and just how lucky I am to have the life I do. I am blessed to have a home, sheets on the bed, clothes to wear, shoes ( and flip flops count as shoes......yes they DO!) to put on my feet AND MY HEALTHY KIDS FEET! We are over indulged to the point of oblivion. I am sure there is someone, somewhere who would happily, hell gratefully, change places with me... yet up to a few days ago I was fussing about the laundry and how dirty the house gets when the kids come blowing in from outside. I found myself feeling ashamed of myself.

It is only by the death of my own father have I or my family been able to accomplish some of the things we have and have some of the things we do. How quickly I forgot the price paid for some of the things I complain about.....daily! I had forgotten how to treasure moments. Then I go home and see the husband of Susan sitting quietly by her side. Even in her death he wouldn't leave her alone. I see the husband of Caren, a large, burly man trying to gently console his inconsolable wife. Her tears flowing and soaking his workshirt. I see Jeanie so stoic she can't cry. The pain so unbearable she is afraid to feel it. She hurts but she can't let herself feel it yet not all of it...not just yet. Then there was their mother Clay, shaking and small. She was the loudest, funniest, most irreverent broad in her day! Jet black hair and red lipstick, big earrings, always had a drink in her hand and always ready to hand you a drink. She was loving and loud. She was the life of the party and Eddie (her husband) was the party. They make me think of me and I see just how fragile our lives are. I can see what it looks like to lose so much. I can only comprehend the pain of the girls to a certain point. I do not know how it feels to lose your sister. I do not know nor do I want to know how it feels to lose your child but I can see nothing and I do mean nothing else can make any of it any easier or even slightly understandable.

So, I am gonna let some stuff go. Argue a little less, stress a little less (well I am gonna TRY) and I am gonna think long and hard about my daddy. I am going to thank him daily for all of the things his hard work and love allowed me to have. Bitching about it makes me feel like I am bitching about him and I just can't do that. Honestly, I owe him the life I have and the life I am giving to my kids so for that and so many many other things I didn't even know you gave me.....thank you from the bottom of my tired, redneck, worn slap out by Friday heart!

There was a time when I went to work everyday, stayed away from home and spent time with people I really didn't know that well. Thank God and Dad, I can spend my days raising the kids I complain about, doing the laundry of the man who drives me nuts and cleaning the house I love to hate because in a moment, in a blink, ALL OF IT could change forever and I don't want to miss a another moment.

Now, go hug your stupid husband and kiss your crusty kids. In the words of the friend I miss the most "I love my life". Finally! Of all the things my step mother shared with me...the one thing I truly wish she had been wrong about.....time creeps by when you are young and in the end you find yourself wishing time would slow down. How true those words have become. WHY can't we live our lives backwards?